To be quite honest, at the moment, I'm too upset to write too much or I'll start crying, and I have to leave for work very soon, so that would give me streaky make-up!

Well, I sat at my desk crying on and off most of the afternoon yesterday anyway, so I guess it wouldn't make much difference!!!

The long and the short of it is that Trainer may not be married but he HAS been living with someone for 3 years who he has no intention of ever leaving. In fact they're emigrating to NZ next year.

He reckons he's sorry, he reckons he feels dead guilty, he reckons he likes me so much and can't believe he got himself into something that went this far. He reckons he'd never want to hurt me.

I want him.

We're not talking any more. well, we're going to leave it a couple fo weeks, see how we go and whether we could consider talkign just as mates as we get on so bloody well.

I can't believe I'm going through this for the second time. I'd only just got over the NoNoNoNo thing......well, not quite got over it, I am STILL completely gutted about that - but at least he was more up front about everything.

As for Trainer, I want to kill him.

I want to fuck him.

I want him.