You know when you suddenly realise that you've probably said the wrong thing? I made that mistake big time last night.

I told C that I love him.

I SO didn�t mean to, and I�m kicking myself for it now, and it�s not like I even really meant it like �that�, and I�m hoping that he didn�t take it that way. He didn�t throw a loon or stop talking to me, which is the kind of thing he�d have done 7 years ago, so I guess that�s a good sign of him taking it how it was meant.

Hmmm, I think I should start at the beginning.

I was meant to see The Dutchman last night, but I didn�t, he got tied up at work and had to let me down, so I rang C and asked if he was free. He rang me back and told me to come on over later, so I did. It was lovely, as always. The sex was fantastic, he�d oohed and aahhed over my kitchen plans, we�d chatted, he was exceptionally �kissy� which isn�t like him, and then we were lying in bed and I had my head on his chest and was all dozy and he was stroking my arm and I said:

�Don�t take this the wrong way, but I DO love you, you know�

As soon as I said it, I regretted it, but, he just pulled me closer to him, kissed the top of my head, nuzzled my hair and said �I know�. Then he was quiet for a minute, and then he said �I thought you were gonna say something really bad or nasty then, when you said �don�t take this the wrong way�!�.

Looking at it now I write it, I guess it�s not SO bad, but it was a bit of a daft thing to go and say / do the first time after we�d agreed that we were just shag buddies! I wasn�t lying though, I DO love him, just not in �that way�, he�s my mate, he cares about me, I adore being around him and the sex is fantastic � of COURSE I�m going to get all cosy sometimes and feel that I love him. It�s only natural isn�t it???