Blimey - it's been ages since I last posted and so much has happened that I can't even think where to start!

OK - I know that I said before that everything was perfect with me & The Northerner except for a couple of things. well, the main thing is that he has an almost non-existent libido - and, for those of you that have been reading my diary over the past few years, you've probably noticed that mine is actually quite high. This has NEVER been a problem for me before, as, even when I've been single, I have always had the pick of a few willing guys to 'tide me over' so to speak.

But I love The Northerner, completely. Totally. Utterly. He is PERFECT for me. he really is. But I feel rejected, unwanted, unsexy and it has given me terrible mood swings. This has led to me getting really down every couple of weeks as i also see sex as a stress-relief. my blood pressure has been affected cos I worry about it, and for the past couple of weeks, I realised that I had to make a really major fundamental decision which would affect the rest of my life.

Do I NEED sex more than I WANT him?

I couldn't answer my own question - it freaked me totally. And I gave myself a deadline of this weekend to make the choice.

We went out for a drink on Friday and I was a bit subdued and he started telling me how much he loves me, and that he feels like I'm going to pull the rug out from under him. I felt awful. I stayed round there Friday night and then we mooched about on saturday, came back to mine and he unexpectedly gave me a damn good seeing to. Which kind of made it easier to broach the subject.

He told me that he has realised that it means a lot to me, and that he appreciates that I've been giving him such a chance, and that he HAS been looking into things that may help - I said "Why haven't you told me?" and he couldn't answer. I felt immensely better that it wasn't a shock to him and he didn't think any worse of me. We went to his mates to a party with a load of his other friends on Saturday night, and I had a couple of pills, chilled out, got my tongue loosened and we had THE best heart to heart which just destroyed all my fears.

We got home from the party (without bloody sleeping) at about 1pm yesterday, and got 3 hours sleep before the munchkin came home - so we were knackered!!! But I am the happiest I can remember being for a very very very long time!

This is it. I know it. And I'm going to try my best not to run away from it in fear!