I don't think I want to be married.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately and have been trying to work out what exactly my problem is. I think my natural instinct is to be a serial monogomist.

I love being in a steady relationship, and I love having to work at it and all the great feelings that are ionvolved when you keep 'taking it to the next stage'. I love trying to push it a bit further and the feeling that a guy is finally coming round to my way of thinking and ready to commit.

I love that initial rush of success when I'm given their all..........and I love the feeling of being in a 'new' relationship every time the dynamics change. I love living with a guy initially and all the little quirks that come with it. I love it when I realise a guy is dead serious about me and 'marriage' is mentioned.

But I don't think I want all that marriage entails. I hate the thought that I'll be with one guy for the rest of my life. I hate the thought that there's not goign to be any others. I hate that it's all mapped out and I know what I'm waking up to every day.

It's nothing whatsoever to do with Mark - I mean that, he's a good husband really and all the faults that I find with him are things that probably initially attracted me to him but that I find annoying now because I just don't want to be 'here'.

Blimey, reading all that I sound really cruel and heartless, totally unromantic and completely out of order to poor Mark. I really don't mean it like that, I was really just trying to make an observation about my natural instinct. I seem to want commitment etc but only for a while. Maybe I just need committING!!!

I doubt if I'll do anything about it........I'm OK really, content I guess, just not....fulfilled.

Maybe this is normal - what would I know?