I keep thinking about tomrorow night and getting that horrible butterfly feeling! I hate it when that happens cos it's like I'm not really in control of my emotions. It also means that I'm placing way too much importance on the outcome of a 'chat' - which can't be a good thing!

I have just explained to The Dutchman what is going on in my life at the moment, and the fact that I may be going into 'monogomous mode' - as predicted, he wasn't too happy about that and said that he'd love to see me a few times before I got all serious! Ha ha ha, bless him!

So that was an ego boost!

In other news, arrangements for Christmas have just been one enormous headache. I am SO not enjoying myself at the moment. I hate people 'expecting' stuff of me.....like my mum expects me to spend Boxing Day with all my family (who I DO love to pieces) and I can't see the point as I'll now be spending Xmas Day with most of them! I had everything worked out perfectly and then Mark ruined it all in one foul swoop by not thinking things through.

I don't think he has any idea what it's like to be a 'single parent' - he has no concept of how I have to plan everything, how stressful it is having to just live day to day really - hwo the time thing is just non-existent when most days I have to get her up, dressed and to nursery, usually making me late for work and then work a whole days work and then rush off to pick her up from nursery, run around getting her tea and ready for bed and to bed. He never has to 'rush' anything because he does shifts, and he has certainly never EVER had to drop her off, work and then pick her up again!

This all sounds like a bit of a rant, but it's more exasperation really. I would never ever ever be without the munchkin, but it is BLOODY hard work. I'm sure there's loads of other single mums out there who feel the same way and probably don't even have it as easy as me. i'm lucky, i have (i) a beautiful good-natured kid who is generally happy & content with her lot and never seems to cry (ii) an ex who is great with her although selfish, non-understanding & thoughtless sometimes (iii) a good job that gives me a form of release (iv) friends that I adore (v) some brilliant online mates who keep me amused when I can't go out (vi) parents that will look after the munchkin when really needed - they would do more except I refuse to ask for help 90% of the time.

So I'm lucky really.

What the fuck am I moaning about?