There's been so much going on that I simply haven't had the energy to go into it all. I don't know whether to start going into bullet points, or just doing a list of events.

First of all though, I would like to make a formal apology to this guy who I accidentally invited into an MSN group chat with a load of my weird mates off the website I go on. The only thing he knew about any of them though was that I had snogged this girl and she was in there too! She was desperately trying to work out who he was and how he knew her - and then he let slip that he read her diary! Could have had her going then, LOL!!!!

Anyway - my Oink vs The Fox situation has been very weird lately. Very very very weird.

Friday night, I went to stay at a friend's house in Maidenhead with the munchkin. Oink rang me a few times while he was working, which was really nice. He did the same on Saturday night, but I was feeling a bit emotional and sensitive and took something that he said as a joke to heart. He had NO idea.......I cried myself to sleep.

Also on Saturday, The Fox confronted me about 'the other man', he's not stupid and had actually guessed exactly who it was. It led to a major heart to heart which had quite a profound result really. I picked him up on my way home on Sunday, Mark picked the munchkin up and we had the rest of the day & night to ourselves. We had lots of fantastic sex.....we talked.....we had a laugh......we just enojoyed being with each other. I kind of fell in love with him. Which I told him. Which shocked him! But he told me (as I kind of knew already), just how much I meant to him and that he really loved me.

I feel such a bitch. I am NOT leading him on. I do love him - but probably not enough and not in the right way. I have been completely honest with him and told him that it changes nothing. I can't just give Oink up without knowing what it is that I'm giving up. I need to meet him. I know he annoys the hell out of me, but there's soemthing that just clicks. He was great to me on Monday....I was feeling a bit down, and although he'd been winding me up, he realised I wasn't myself and rang me 2 or 3 times to see what was wrong, whether I wanted to talk and if there was any way he could help. He was really genuinely concerned, and we actually admitted to each other that we never 'talk' - just take the piss!!!

That led to him sending me an email yesterday that completely blew my mind - telling me all intimate details abotu his past and why he is the way he is. I nearly cried....not because it was sad, just cos he was opening up to me in that way. I felt really close to him. How can I just give that up???

The Fox is being SO understanding, not pushing me. He's put his views and feelings across to me, and I've told him that I will never be anything but completely honest with him. But that's all I can promise him just now. I told him I feel dead guilty - he said I have nothing at all to be guilty about......he loves me, I've been open and honest with him, it's his decision to make whether he wants to be in this situation or not. And he wants to.

AM I so bad????