.......and I will have to admit to being nervous as fuck!

Oink still hasn't backed out of meeting tomorrow night - I really did think he would have come up with an excuse by now. In fact, even more weird than him not backing out - he almost came to see me yesterday.......well, to be quite honest, he would have seen me, but I was out, round my mums.....and if I'd known what he was planning, I would have told him to bog off, cos a 'surprise first visit' is just wrong. Isn't it???

He was visiting family nearby and thought he'd come see whereabouts I lived (although he hasn't got my address), and he ended up driving straight past my road. It was so odd when I spoke to him, knowing that he was so close to my flat and yet I wasn't there. I have SO got to get meeting him out of the way!

On the flip side - I had a lovely weekend with The Fox again. It was pretty impromptu too as I just asked him down by email on Friday and he ended up staying til midday yesterday. It was a bit different to last weekend where we didn't even really get out of bed - I wasn't feeling too good, so it was just lots of lazing about, chilling out, chatting and stuff. But again, it was great - we get on so well it's scary. It's nice just to spend time together, without having to 'make an effort' so to speak, just being comfortable with each other.

And that just seems so alien and wrong to me!

I hate the way that I feel I'm treating him.........the way I'm leaving him hanging on. I wish all of this could be straight forward and easy. I feel like what Gazztop said on my comments back here will be right, that I'll end up with noone just cos of my own stupid indecisions. I don't want to lose The Fox, but I know I'm doing him no good just now.