This has been one of the oddest, emotional days I have had in a bloody long time........and really it is too late and TOO long a story to be as descriptive as I usually am.

It all centres around 3 different men that have been my beginning, middle and end of my day.

Beginning

I've been talking to a guy online for quite a couple of weeks and he finally rang me late last night and we talked for three and a half hours, bringing us to 1.30 thsi morning! Even before he rang, I knew that we would just hit it off big time....and we did - we have SO much in common. Oooooo, quick, give him a name....erm, ermmmmmmm...........The Hat (for reasons only known to myself!).

He's an 'internet dating' virgin - had never even been on a chat / dating site until 2 weeks ago, and I was the first person to speak to him. So he's never met anyone this way, and he really wants to meet me.

The only problem with this is that I know we will hit it off really well - in a way that me & SJ never would - and that I wouldn't be able to or even WANT to see C and The Dutchman if it happened - and that I would want a 'relationship' with him. Which is scary.

Middle

I can't explain about how much Mark has wound me up and upset me recently. I ended up in tears today and felt emotionally drained - but it's just been a culmination of exchanges between us for the past couple of weeks. I guess it was all only a matter of time. Now I have to sort my head and life out.

End

The MOST intriguing part of the day was a two hour conversation with C. We really started talking - and we even talked about us, as I asked him how he would feel if I told him I couldn't see him any more (obviously with an impending meeting with The Hat in mind). He asked why, I explained that fucking around wasn't in my nature really as he knows, that ideally I want a monogamous relationship and that would mean I couldn't 'dally' with him. He told me not to be so quick to rush off and desert him.

He actually said a lot of things - a hell of a lot of complimentary stuff. I finally told him that I've always hoped that maybe there could be something longer term between 'us' but that I have no way of knowing how he feels, as he doesn't talk to me. He said, "I know mate, perhaps we should talk..........when are you free?" - so I suggested Thursday, which he has agreed to!

So, just to reiterate - me & C are going to be seeing each other on Thursday to talk about 'us'!

Have I woken up in an episode of The Twilight Zone or something?