I feel a little happier - a little more 'wanted'. It may only be a temporary feeling, but I am certainly going to bask in the glow!

I've just got home after spending a wonderful, wonderful night with C. It was fantastic. It was JUST what I needed after the past couple of weeks of feeling sorry for myself etc etc etc.

Actually, on Xmas Eve, after writing my diary - one of the people I least expected to cheer me up called me and made me feel SO much better! The Dutchman rang on his way home from work for about an hour. He said he would have loved to see me for Xmas, but was flying home to Holland in a couple of hours and wouldn't be back til the New Year. And then he wants to see me - definitely. In fact he wants to see me a lot more.

Yesterday, I talked to him online and we were discussing that I me & the munchkin could go and live with him and we could have an open relationship, cos we get on so well! LOL!!! He's a real sweetheart, and he certainly raises my spirits, and I think I raise something for him too!!! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Yeah, so Xmas morning was bloody weird. Mark had the munchkin Xmas Eve, so when I woke up, I was COMPLETELY alone. I have never ever ever had that on Xmas Day before, and it was totally odd! I never want to go through that again - no matter what!

He dropped her off about 11ish and was actually quite complimentary - said I looked nice (although sounded surprised - LOL - maybe it's cos I don't bother getting 'done up' when I see him any more cos I don't want to try to entice him back), and he really liked all his Xmas pressies I'd got him. It was actually sad to say goodbye to him though - it just felt a bit odd, wrong almost.

Anyway - I had a lovely Xmas Day with all my family, and stayed at my parents the night.

Oooo - forgot to mention that the lovely adorable Lorna came round Xmas Eve and wrapped all my presents for me! Hurrah! Aren't friends just THE best invention! I think EVERYONE should have at least one!

Stoke Boy has been talking to me quite a lot over the past few days, and would really like to see me again. I don't think it's going to happen - as I said before, he's just a little TOO perfect and clean and stuff! Still, it's nice that he's interested!!!

Which brings me back to C. And last night. It really was SO nice. I hate to say it - but he's my man. He really is. I knwo it, he knows it, lots of people know it. But it's just never going to happen. He's never going to change, and to be quite honest, if he did, I probably wouldn't want him.

I KNOW he feels strongly towards me, I KNOW he cares about me. And deep down, I know that if he was going to change for anyone, it would probably be me. But he wont. And I really have to learn to either accept that and stop pressuring him, or let him go - move along and get over it.

It's a bloody difficult decision to make.