Yes, I got blown out!!

Trainer had to let me down!  I was SO gutted!  I had actually got to that stage yesterday when my stomach was churning and I kept having to go to the loo cos I was so nervous / excited!  It was a little bit like when I first met The Dutchman, but actually quite different, which is difficult to explain.  Hmmm, let me at least try.

When I was first due to meet The Dutchman, I did indeed get VERY nervous, as you may remember - this was for one main fundamental reason.  I knew that we were bound to sleep together and I hadn't had sex with anyone new for 5 years, so it was a pretty daunting prospect letting another man see me naked!  Both of us new right from the start that it was never going to be a 'relationship' as that was definitely not what he was looking for, and I was extremely grateful to him for being so honest with me about that.  At the time, it was just what I wanted to as I was feeling extremely fragile and didn't want to become involved with anyone and then get let down.

As it is, we have the strangest 'relationship' ever - I'm the only girl that he's come back to a few times, and the only one that he tells about the rest of them.  We still 'check out' each other's potential conquests and give our opinions.  Funnily enough, earlier this week, I got him to check out Trainer's profile and he was quite bitchy about him.  When I pulled him up on it, he admitted that his judgement was a bit clouded as he's dying to see me again, and at the moment, we HAVE had it booked in for Tuesday.  He ALSO happened to mention that I am well into his Top 5 Shags, which, for someone who has slept with so many girls (at least 15 since even I've known him!), is a pretty decent accolade!!!!

And then there's Trainer.  The thought of meeting Trainer is difficult as I am so worried that he might not like me as much in person, and that DOES bother me, as I really do like him.  He's just the right amount of laddish without being totally OTT and yet he does have a caring and considerate side that has come across in our phone calls over the past week.  I have been sure that he is PNB material!!  Our conversations haven't really revolved very much around anything sexual - apart from the odd comments chucked in for effect, and probably to let the other know that we do actually fancy the look of each other!

Yesterday, at about 3.30, we were on the phone making arrangements for where we were meeting etc and his phone started bleeping with another call coming through.  He rang me back about 10 minutes later - it had been his boss.  He was due to fly to Belfast today, and his boss was ringing to say they had changed it to 7.15 last night.  My heart sunk, it really did. It helped slightly that he was so pissed off an' all - and REALLY apologetic, but it didn't change anything.  I tried to sound bright, light and cheerful, after all, it wasn't his fault, but I felt really let down.

However, when I finally got home last night, I was totally knackered, and slumped into bed quite early - Lorna was the same, we even blew each other out we were both so tired!!!  That was why it was nice to get woken up at 11.30pm with a text from Trainer just saying "I hope you're OK and have found something else to do!", I replied back that I had actually had an early night and was in bed, which is when I got THE Best text I've had for ages:  "I can't stop thinking about you. its doing my head in. i wish i was with you tonight all curled up in bed."

So maybe he feels the same way!